i got a job and now i'm stressing

had therapy again, but didn't feel too happy about it. i was lonely. i missed everyone up north. my after care groups. my dbt skills group. my dbt therapist. my psychiatrist. my friends. felt all alone. i found out yesterday i got the county job. i'm supposed to start on the 31st. my mom wants me to go back on the south beach diet so we're starting on sunday. i feel rather overwhelmed. i don't feel like i have much support around here. everything seems hard to do. i feel fat. i'm oversleeping. i feel tired. i'm scared about starting a new job. i don't know if i'm ready. i'm afraid i'll be overwhelmed. i'll panic. i'll quit on the spot. or i have another depressive episode from the stress of the job. i'll start feeling suicidal and end up in the hospital again. i haven't started the job and i'm already stressing. i'm stressing about going back on the diet. i'm stressing about having to make decisions about what kind of food to eat, what i'm going to wear to work. i'll have to practice getting up early and making myself get up at 6:30 every morning. i get tired just thinking about all the things i have to do. i still don't know how my therapy is working out. sometimes i don't feel connected to my therapist. she's nice but i feel like sometimes she doesn't get me. today it felt like she cut our session short. i guess it was maybe because i wasn't talking much. i was really closed in. i didn't want to open up. i was in my own world. all i want to do is lay in bed and avoid things. sometimes i fantasize about going back to s. again. i threw away all my zoloft, but i didn't throw away my risperdal or prn's. i have some ambien and klonopin. i also have three tabs of depakote. i keep that stuff because they make me sleepy. i'm supposed to tell my psychiatrist about my little stash. lol. i kind of wish i had a closer relationship with my therapist and my psychiatrist around here. i worked really well with my last dbt therapist and psychiatrist up north. i miss them a lot. everything is so strange and unfamiliar here. i only see my psychiatrist once every 4-5 weeks. and i can't call my therapist for coaching. i miss the phone calls. i miss having someone there for support. i was sad today in therapy. i feel all alone.