missile launches

went to therapy today. not sure what i want to do. my therapist seems to think that i should have as a goal to move back to the bay area. but i don't know if it's a realistic goal. i don't think i can afford it. maybe someday i will be able to but not in the near future. so for homework she told me to make a list of my short-term goals for the next month. i suppose i can do that. it seems like a hard thing to do. after therapy i was thinking of going to the gym, but instead i drove over there and kept on driving. i just didn't feel like going. it is one of those things i have to force myself to do. today i didn't feel like fighting. the missile launches in n. korea are upsetting. i feel like i should be working on my writing. i think as one of my goals i should finish a chapter of my novel or complete a draft of a short story. another goal should be go to the gym at least once a week. take my meds as prescribed. go to therapy. build mastery by applying for jobs, or if i get the county job, by going to work and not quitting. figure out what i want to accomplish in therapy and what i want to do with my life. i think figuring out what i want to do with my life is a big thing. i don't think i can do it in a month. but how about work on figuring out what i want to do with my life. i should do more writing. i don't think my therapist understands dbt. i don't know how i feel about my therapist. dissatisfied maybe. i guess i just don't feel real connected to her yet. i don't feel connected with any of my providers here in the area. especially my psychiatrist. i don't know if i should look for another therapist. the fact that i'm even thinking of it makes me wonder. i'm so damn indecisive. i've been thinking of cutting a lot. i feel like cutting, but i don't do it. i guess that's a good thing. sometimes i wonder if i really want to get better. i must be unhappy with my life. i must want something to change since i'm in therapy and getting medication. i must want to get better, feel better. i must want to be helped. or i'm looking for someone to rescue me. maybe i just want someone to talk to.