sleep

all i seem to want to do is sleep. i didn't get out of bed today until 11:30 a.m. i went to the library to do my volunteer job even though i didn't feel like going. i am thinking about going on the south beach diet again. i don't know why but it seems too hard this time. everything seems hard to do. i think about suicide almost everyday. i don't think i want to do it right now, but i contemplate it. sometimes i think about threatening to commit suicide so i can go back to the hospital again. sometimes i feel like i just want to be drugged out of my mind and sleep all day. i feel like i want to avoid reality and responsibility, but i know i shouldn't. i have to start waking up at a decent time and being more active and getting out of the house more. i only get out to do my volunteer job and go to therapy and my psych appointments. i should do more, make myself be more active. i should have more of a schedule. i should exercise. i should get a job. my dad wants me to take accounting classes. i think i'm going to sign up for intro to accounting at the community college. as far as my writing, it hasn't been coming along very well. writing should be fun. but lately it's just been frustrating. i miss having a support group and skills group. it's too bad i don't have the same kind of support around here. i miss the bay area. again.