stupid meds

i'm tired and feel depressed and i don't think the paxil is doing it for me. i want to try something else. i don't see my psychiatrist for another two weeks. i'm thinking of asking him if i can discontinue the paxil and he can suggest another medication. i heard the withdrawal symptoms of paxil can be really bad. they're supposedly the worst of all the ssri's. maybe i'm just tired or stressed out from work. it's just hard trying to function normally in public. i am around a lot of people now. i have trouble concentrating and paying attention to instructions. my mind keeps wandering. i feel like i should be on a stronger antidepressant or something. i want something that gives me a little lift. i am really frustrated right now. i'm supposed to work on a story i'm revising but i don't feel like doing anything. everything i write is depressing. i'm depressing. i have a hard time remembering to smile. i have to push away my si and sh thoughts. i have to try harder. i think i just don't want to be on the paxil anymore. it is tiring and takes a lot of effort for me to act freaking cheerful. i hate it that i'm not laughing and smiling more. god i just hate myself right now. i hate being on the freaking paxil. i want another drug. lol. i wish i could be on zoloft again. and i haven't seen my therapist yet this week. we were doing twice a week sessions but since i started work i won't get to see her until saturday. i don't seem to care about anything else but myself. i'm so wrapped up in my depressed little mentally ill world. i can't seem to think about anything else except my stupid meds and my depression.

i feel like calling my psychiatrist and asking him if we can try something else for my depression. maybe i need to try exercising again. i haven't gone to the gym in awhile.