to cymbalta or not to cymbalta

i had a rough night. i fell asleep okay but kept waking up with weird nervy feelings in my head, knees, elbows, legs, arms, back. i felt really on edge and felt like twitching and thrashing in my bed. i tossed and turned a lot last night. it made me think about not taking cymbalta ever again. i kind of feel over-medicated right now. a bit wired and edgy. i do not feel relaxed at all. i feel tense all over. i am thinking of stopping cymbalta altogether. i don't know what to do. i don't want to be on antidepressants anymore. i do wish i had some emergency ativan though for those occasional anxiety attacks. i haven't had an anxiety attack in awhile though. i think i've got them pretty much under control. my therapist thinks it's because the meds are working. i don't know. i've done a lot of work in my head this week to keep myself looking forward. i think i've gained confidence just by going out and working and making it to work everyday last week and not quitting. i feel better about myself. i'm not sure i'm doing the best i can at work but i guess i will just try harder. i just haven't been sleeping well lately. i think i slept better on paxil. i've been on so many freaking meds since last july. i've honestly had it with all the med changes and every psychiatrist having their own ways of doing things. i just want to relax damn it. i want an ativan already! lol. well, i will just have to practice my dbt skills. and listen to the ocean and do the things that feel good and not the things that bring me down. today i'm getting a haircut. i am going to pamper myself and go to the beauty salon. self-soothe. it's a dbt skill. i emailed my dbt therapist from the bay area yesterday and told her i have missed her and she told me she has missed me too. my therapy did not go well today with my therapist here because i missed my dbt therapist and kept comparing my therapist to her. also my therapist has concerns about me going off my meds. she is concerned i might have a rough time if i do. in my experience, antidepressants haven't neither helped nor not helped with my ups and downs and emotional impulsivity. i don't feel depressed anymore and my anxiety comes and goes. that's why i think i can get by with short-acting anxiety pills like ativan for the times i'm feeling really worked up. anyway, i have to get going. i will write more later about the cymbalta.