bad mood again damn it

well, i am in a bad mood again and don't feel like doing anything. i didn't sleep well last night. i slept but it didn't feel like it because i was sort of just drifing and not really sleeping although i did have a few dreams one of them with janet jackson and friends it was weird. who cares about janet jackson? lol. so my head feels like crap because i'm not getting my sleep. it is really weird. i go through days when all i do is sleep and then i go through days when i can't get enough restful sleep. i think i've got a lot of stuff on my mind. maybe that's it. i feel like cutting. i guess i've been thinking about cutting a lot lately. maybe that's it. i've got a writing deadline this week. maybe that's it. i don't want to go to the writers club board meeting tomorrow. i want to go to the depression and bipolar support group instead just to see what it's like. i need a job. i am stressing because i don't have a job and my parents are paying the bills and i know they don't want to pay my bills my whole life. i really want to be a writer so i won't have to work a day job anymore but i don't have anything published yet. i'm not anywhere i want to be i'm not doing what i want with my life now all i want to do is sleep. i feel like taking a sleeping pill. maybe i will tonight.