i'm back and medicated

sorry it's been awhile. i was going through an unstable period, probably a relapse, another depressive episode or something, my meds were a bit of a mess, but my pdoc and i just settled on increasing my cymbalta. for awhile there i thought i had to go on a mood stabilizer, because i was so emotionally unstable, crying a lot, agitated, wanting to hurt myself, angry, anxious. i still have an underlying depression and high anxiety.

my cymbalta is considered nonformulary on my insurance list and costs me mega bucks. my pdoc had originally written the script for ninety 30mg caps. but my insurance wouldn't approve it, so he had to write two 30-day scripts for the 60mg caps and 30mg caps. totally sucked. if i talk to my pdoc about the cost, we might talk about switching meds or trying another combo. but i don't know if i want to make any changes because it is so damn hard finding the right meds. i've been on almost everything already, damn it. my pdoc thinks the cymbalta is working for me. on tuesday, he said i was in the best mood he's seen me in since he started working with me.

cymbalta is supposed to be activating, give you more energy. it did the first three days, when i was highly agitated, jumping around and screaming my head off. lol. my heart was beating fast and i had so much adrenaline. but i adjusted, and now i'm mostly feeling tired. like i'm not getting enough sleep. i'm always tired. i have also noticed that cymbalta continues to curb or suppress my appetite. i'm just not that hungry and when i do eat, i don't eat that much, which i suppose is a good thing, since i do need to lose more weight.

anyway, my pdoc also prescribed lunesta 3mg, since i'm developing a tolerance for ambien. takes me longer to fall asleep, i wake up 2-3 times a night, and wake up earlier, without fail, just short of 8 hours sleep. it's weird. ambien puts me to sleep, but when i wake up, i don't feel rested, and i don't feel like i've been asleep. it's like i didn't feel the time passing. maybe it's because i didn't dream all night. i like dreaming in my sleep. it makes sleep interesting. lol. the plan is to alternate between ambien and lunesta every other month to prevent tolerance. and my pdoc told me if i start taking ativan daily to give him a call asap. lol. my pdoc is a funny guy. he winked at me ;)

so here's my current med situation:

daily a.m. meds
cymbalta 90mg (60mg + 30mg)
diltiazem cd 120mg

prn's
ativan 1mg for anxiety (up to twice a day)
ambien 10mg for insomnia (odd months)
lunesta 3mg for insomnia (even months)